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In more two decades of my working life, a topic that seems to be of universal interest is “Managing work-life”. Reviewing these discussions, I came up with following hypothesis –
Most discussions were part of diversity initiatives with women only audience designed to be motivational, uplifting, organised to meet the agenda of the D&I calendar and/or provide an opportunity to network. In addition, providing women a space to share and learn from each others’ experience.
As I set on my entrepreneurial journey in August of 2018, I observed gender norms outside corporate environment that tend to influence workplace norms – after all, we are all part of the same ecosystem. I was trying to test the above three hypotheses and external, societal influencers. My favourite place to observe this was my daughter’s school and the parent community participation. A close study over the last two years resulted in bringing me to a 4th hypothesis:
Lets look at this closely.
I am supposed to be managing care responsibilities at home. Its an unsaid assumption and I have seen it in my immediate environment as a child. Same is not expected from my male colleague. Again, I have grown up to see this in an around me – in my family, extended family, on TV, in the neighbourhood and with my friends. Hence, I get called in for these sessions and not my male colleagues. My role as a leader, an entrepreneur comes later and hence there is a category of working mothers and not working fathers!
I noticed that 90% of the class was represented by one parent – the mother. A class of 30 had 3 daddies’ showing up! I started to keep a tab of daddy’s in school engagements and found that “disappearing daddy’s” was a common phenomenon. You see them when there is an escalation or a mandatory session. Moving to virtual world has not resulted in much change. Everyone is aware of the burden on women due to work from home during pandemic.
For the purpose of this article, I am sharing two key areas where shifts can help in changing the narrative..or re-gendering the norm.
Move beyond default role identification:
The first is at role identity level. For a long time, the gender roles have been clearly defined as men earning for the family and women being the nurturers and caregivers. However, over the last few decades, work-life boundaries have diminished, gender identities have undergone a significant fusion of sorts. With more women in workforce, men are active and taking part in raising a child (if not day-to-day)
Chores sometimes get divided at the subconscious level and managing “bachcha (s)” becomes a KRA of mothers. This at times is willingly accepted as a default KRA. The societal norms are so deeply entrenched that most mothers consider ‘the daddy disappearance’ as expected. Women have a distinct perception of role identity. Gender roles blind the vision for both men and women and society at large. Part of the problem rests with women not speaking up or asking for support. This can be attributed to the cultural restraint that has been taught early on.
There is a mindset shift required to see women and men as individuals.
As a new normal is being defined, women can only support themselves and change the narrative of gender role identities by questioning the norm, speaking up. Policy changes will see real benefits when roles are not assigned but designed for men and women. The freedom to choose should remain with the individual rather than through the cultural upbringing or said/unsaid societal norms. And you could choose to be a anyone who you would like to be – a professional, a stay at home mother, or, both.
I am sure daddy’s wish to be more engaged, so let us bring them on as true partners rather than watching the child grow in periphery.
Seek organisational, informal, formal network support:
Gender roles cannot be re-defined without support. With workplaces defining new normal through several initiatives such as gender neutral new paternity rules, compensatory offs, sabbatical programs, there is a clear understanding of providing all employees equal opportunities to be a part of their child’s growth. Each of these can be seen as ways that will help increase the daddy engagement. The question one needs to ask is – are we using it fully?
Imagine a school orientation on a weekday at 11 am? How are you engaging working parents… this was pre-COVID scenario. With COVID, when school lives are virtual, I received an invite for a virtual connect while my husband was oblivious of this meeting.
If it is an important engagement for the parent teacher community, an opportunity should be provided for both parents to attend. As organisations rejig their policies to help more mothers return to work, it will be important for schools, other places in our ecosystem to also support this by thinking about innovative ways and make this a more inclusive. Video recording, alternate sessions, offering a menu of sessions from which parents can choose are some of the ways I can think of…I am sure there are more. Additional options will provide additional opportunities for discussion at home. Hence increasing daddy engagement.
In a nutshell, women need to take lead in defining this aspect. Bring more men in the conversation and do not hide behind gender roles definition. As Mahatma Gandhi said – “If you would like to see change, be the change”.
#diversity #heforshe #returningmothers #inclusion
I will be happy to hear from you on your ideas about what can help in resetting the gender norms. What behaviours would you like to offset in your personal and professional life. Write at connect@thetalentalchemy.com